Oh, the bubble. The cozy, warm, safe bubble of treatment. Leaving treatment, whether it’s 30, 60, or 90 days of inpatient, long-term care, or sober living, the feeling of freedom is exhilarating and scary. Sometimes, you’re lucky to have a week to return to work. Other times, you return to work with no delay. Sometimes, you’re heading to sober living and having to find work. Yet, sometimes, you hang on day by day. No matter what the situation, life comes fast.

I just left the bubble again. This time, I left a long-term facility that was like a sober living but with case managers. Learn to Live Recovery in Hermann, Missouri. Great facility. Like Oxford House sober living, I was responsible for my expenses, food, and rent. I could have had a car if I had my license, but otherwise, they provided all the transportation I needed—freedom to a certain degree. During the first 30 days, you are under supervision everywhere you go, but you are free to roam afterward —a smaller bubble.

They have a 3-month minimum in their program. I stayed 5 months. I spent 75 days in inpatient treatment before moving there. I’m 8 months plus sober, and that’s how long I’ve been in the bubble.
The Oxford house I moved into has eight beds, so I have seven housemates. The house design is the same one my ex-wife and I had, just a little smaller. It’s a nice house. The inside has been updated, and the house is clean. The neighborhood is older, not a cookie-cutter subdivision. It has a small-town feel to it. A Walmart marketplace is about five minutes away, and another grocery store is nestled into a shopping center 10 minutes away by bike. The shopping center has Great Clips, Papa John’s Pizza, a Chinese place, a gym, Kohl’s, Dollar Tree, and a few more little spots. Fast food and gas stations are nearby as well.

Going back to Oxford House is the same routine I’ve followed when I’ve left the bubble. Family and friends see this as an old pattern. Thoughts are there: “How long will he last this time? Is he going to end up drunk in a hotel? Is this the time we get the final call?” Justified thinking. I’ve left the bubble, and that’s what I’ve done. This time is different, but I’ve said those words many times before. I have to prove them through my actions.

I’m soon to be nine months sober. I’ve never had that before. I have a sponsor, and I’m working on the steps. Nope, I’ve never had that either. I know that Oxford House is my next step. Previously, Oxford has been a stepping stone to getting my own place as fast as possible. This time, I’m taking it slow. Learn to Live taught me that “Slower Is Faster.” I don’t have a car. I have a bike.

The first night here was a little rough. Change is always uncomfortable. Some old thought patterns came around: loneliness, inadequacy, shame. I was able to feel them and let them go. I stayed in the “Now.” I stated the facts and reviewed what I could and could not control. My new thought patterns prevailed.

Old ones showed up again. I thought of using the first Monday here. That little voice said, “You can get a bottle in the morning and then go on a bike ride all day. No one would know.” I listened, but I did something different this time. I answered, “What about the next time? What about the people we love? We’ve come so far; do we want to start over again? Remember the last time?” I felt the craving. I understood it. I rode the wave, and it passed. I talked to someone on the phone about it. A clear head equals clear thinking. The next day, I went on a 32-mile bike ride sober. I rode 16 miles each way to see my daughter. She was surprised to see me. I promise she is smiling under the blur.

It’s been a week since that Monday. Things are still good—no more thoughts of using. Plenty of bike rides…all sober. My roommates are great. We went to Top Golf as a house. All the houses I’ve been in, and that was the first Oxford paid outing I’ve been on.

 Sobriety is good. The bubble is gone, and I have chosen to do something different this time. Actions speak louder than words.

Thanks for reading.
Please share below.
-DeSha

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